The Student or the Tiger?

Anyone who pays attention to how things work at the University of Memphis could not have been surprised when it was announced earlier this week that the athletic department lost $2.4 million last year. University sports programs have run a deficit for the last seven years straight, losing a total of $5,877,000 over that time.

What was the reaction of the administration to this news? Did president Lane Rawlins decide to cut University funding of the wasteful athletic department with the same enthusiasm that he has for cutting spending for academic resources at the University? No, president Rawlins felt that it would be better to give the Tigers even more money. If past years are any indication, $1.5 million of the University's sports subsidy will be paid for by University of Memphis students through their activity fees, even though most students rarely, if ever, attend a Tiger game.

Athletic director R.C. Johnson has refused to reduce his budget in return for the subsidy from the academic wing of the University. He insists that every penny of the $16 million spent annually on sports is absolutely necessary. The fact that his teams have losing seasons year after year apparently has not caused him to suspect that the money is not being well spent.

Predictably, president Rawlins agrees. He is quoted as saying that "My feeling is we are only one winning season away from solving this deficit situation." Johnson says of his agreement with Rawlins that "Neither of us see [dropping] football as a viable solution because it has the potential to generate a tremendous amount of money." These two sound less like university administrators than addicted gamblers shoving twenty dollar bills into slot machines because they're just one big jackpot away from getting all their money back.

While the University of Memphis sports teams spend money on recruiting poorly-prepared students like Jimmie Hunter, the rest of the school is told over and over again by the administration that there just isn't enough money to go around and academic departments will have to make sacrifices. The University of Memphis could be a much better school if it were willing to put books before balls. We need smaller class sizes, fewer poorly qualified adjunct professors, better full-time professors attracted by better pay, more academically-related jobs for students, more on-campus activities, and more scholarships for the best students.

Some say that athletic scholarships are key to an urban university like ours, that they help students who would otherwise never be able to get a college education. Helping economically disadvantaged young people go to school is an admirable goal, but if we really want to help them, we have some radical changes to make. First of all, we have to make sure that our academic departments are of the highest quality so that it is possible for disadvantaged students in attendance to get a good education. Second, we have to give scholarships to the most academically talented students in economic need instead of the students with the best throwing arms. Third, we have to allow these students time to study instead of forcing them to use up all of their spare time learning how to run head first into a crowd of large, violent men. The truth is that athletic scholarships help almost no one and hurt almost everyone.

What do we students and professors have to do to get more funds dedicated to our part of the university? When in Tiger Country, do what the Tigers do. The Tigers have been wildly successful at convincing the administration to shower them with money, so perhaps we should imitate their strategy. I say that from now on, University of Memphis students come to class wearing helmets and mouthpieces, throw balls back and forth during lecture, and tackle other students who disagree with them in class discussions. Professors should wear sweatshirts and baseball caps, blow whistles at students who arrive late, and throw screaming tantrums when their students fail to live up to their expectations. In the middle of class, a marching band and cheerleaders should come through the room playing a stirring rendition of Sinatra's New York, New York while the professor gives a stirring speech about how students were really stupid during the first part of class, and it's up to them to be more intelligent in the second half.

The bottom line is this: the academics of the University of Memphis will have to start acting like Tigers if they want to be fed like Tigers.

Eenie, meenie, meinie, moe. Catch a tiger by the toe. If he hollers, let him go. Eenie, meenie, meinie, moe.